118 | Listening Deeply
“Transformation more often happens not when something new begins but when something old falls apart.” ~ Richard Rohr
Things fall apart. This statement used to sound ominous to me; but lately I’ve wondered, what if it is merely descriptive? What if it’s just what happens in a cycle of change and renewal?
For a long time I took things falling apart very personally, like I had somehow failed at whatever was falling apart; but, change is wired into our created order. It is how we grow and become. Sometimes change comes from use or neglect. Sometimes change comes from attention and intention. Either way, it is disruptive; but it is not the end of all things.
Richard Rohr, one of the great theologians of our age, draws our attention to the invitation in the midst of the pain and discomfort that accompanies something falling apart:
“Transformation more often happens not when something new begins but when something old falls apart. The pain of something old falling apart—disruption and chaos—invites the soul to listen at a deeper level. It invites and sometimes forces the soul to go to a new place because the old place is not working anymore (emphasis mine).”
Listening deeply is a profound gift of the spiritual life:
+ Listening deeply helps us move outside our own, often limited narrative, to where we can be more open and guided by the Holy Spirit.
+ Listening deeply connects us with our truest God-given desires.
+ Listening deeply guides us step by step on the path of discernment toward clarity.
+ Listening deeply creates space to see and name the wounds we have pushed down to protect ourselves from their power; yet in the seeing and naming, they begin to lose their power.
+ Listening deeply gives us the confidence to let go of what has fallen/is falling apart and journey toward resurrection.
After all, isn’t that what transformation is? It is moving from death to life. It’s not making a new thing, but God’s promise of making all things new coming to life.
This has played out in so many ways—big and small—in my life over recent years. From reshaped family dynamics in the aftermath of each of my parents’ death, to changing work rhythms, to allowing space for rest and renewal which led to healing and new relationship energy, to the systems and organization in our home (that absolutely affect my well-being), I have experienced cycles of falling apart leading to new life.
Here are three elements that have helped me listen deeply:
+ Space in my life to get quiet. This is not necessarily the same as being physically still. Sometimes mindless activity like washing dishes or going for a walk is the key to quieting your mind.
+ Time to reflect. Removing the urgency and giving yourself time to think and feel with less pressure.
+ Conversation with a trusted, grounded person. For me that is often my spiritual director, my coach, my spouse, or a trusted friend. Who is it for you?
Reflection Questions
What in your life (big or small) has fallen apart or is in the process of falling apart?
When you listen deeply, to what new place are you being invited to go?
What do you need to let go to move forward?
✨ Would you like a listening and conversation partner? If so, Spiritual Mentoring may be for you. Learn more.
Quote source: https://cac.org/when-things-fall-apart-2017-12-29/
