142 | Surprised by Grief
SURPRISED BY GRIEF || It’s been 4 ½ years since my dad died, long enough that I’m rarely surprised by grief any more; it usually shows up on predictable days and in predictable moments when something makes missing him stronger. Yet the other morning I found myself overcome by tears when I came across an envelope addressed to me in his distinctive handwriting. It was so tangible, so personal, so innocuous; but there it was and there I was momentarily sobbing over an envelope, surprised by grief.
I’ve talked with several people lately who have experienced layers of loss in recent months or who have had long-quiet grief reawakened by an unexpected trigger. Here’s what I know–grief is not linear; grief is not on a timetable. It can be palpable in one moment and gone in the next or it can simmer quietly below the surface so you’re just barely conscious of its presence. It can be about what you’ve lost or what you’ve longed for but never had. Whatever the cause, compassionately making room for it is what allows us to be well in the midst of it.
Here are a few ways you can do that:
–Pause and acknowledge it. Simply name it without judgment or justification.
–Share it. Speak aloud what you’re experiencing with someone you trust. This is especially helpful if your grief feels more layered or complex.
–Receive the gift of it. Though grief is often uncomfortable, it is also instructive. Times of loss and grief can teach us a lot about ourselves, our relationships, our priorities, and our values.
–Honor it. Light a candle and spend a little time in quiet prayer, offering your grief and your healing to God in trust.
–Anticipate it. Look ahead and consider what triggers you may experience throughout this holiday season then make a plan for how you will respond with tender compassion.
Whatever you do, when you find yourself feeling the gentle ache of expected grief or unexpectedly overcome, know that you are not alone in experiencing grief in this season or in any season.
✨If you would like support in navigating grief from loss or transition, I can help. Sign up for a free exploratory spiritual mentoring session.
