052 | Mental Load
When I first heard the term “mental load” a few years ago, I felt the truth of it in my body as my head nodded repeatedly.
Mental load is generated by the invisible work of managing a household and family. It is the energy spent on remembering all the things. It is the weight of a thousand daily decisions, big and small.
Mental load is the swirling hum of details to be managed like (real examples from my time preparing this post):
communicating with babysitters to get dates on the calendar
making an appointment to get the car serviced
checking in with the neighbors about 2nd grade teacher recommendations
adding information to shared calendar
making a plan for dinner (takeout...again)
wondering when I’ll get tax prep done for our accountant.
These were all thoughts that interrupted my work flow over the span of 30 minutes.
What I’ve come to know over the years is that there is a dynamic relationship between mental load and cultivating sanctuary. Practices, tasks, and habits that help reduce mental load also cultivate sanctuary by creating space for rest, renewal, and creative regeneration. Similarly, practices, tasks, and habits that cultivate sanctuary also help manage or reduce mental load.
I was reminded of that this week as we reclaimed several parts of our house from the chaos of in-process projects. The purging and organizing work we’ve been doing is starting to bear fruit in my mind, body, and spirit~and my family feels it too.
Over the next week or so, we’ll explore ways of cultivating sanctuary by reducing mental load (or reducing mental load by cultivating sanctuary?!) in four facets of our lives:
In our homes/physical spaces
In ourselves
In our relationships, and
In the world.
For today, use the reflection questions below to name your mental load. Ask yourself:
In what area of my life do I feel mental load most acutely?
What mental load burden would I most like someone else to carry, even for a short time?
How does my impulse toward perfectionism or control affect my ability (or inability) to release certain responsibilities that impact my mental load?
What unspoken or unacknowledged expectations do I have for myself that impact my mental load?
What unspoken or unacknowledged expectations do I have for others that impact my mental load?
In what ways am I inadvertently adding to someone else’s mental load?
