October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I can’t let it pass without a shout out. I’ve been cancer free for 7+ years. I am deeply grateful for the ways awareness and research has advanced testing and treatment for people with breast cancer. We’ve come so far yet there is still so much to be done, particularly for women of color and people who have limited access to care.

This may seem strange, but I don’t have a strong identity as a cancer survivor. My course of treatment was blessedly uncomplicated. Don’t get me wrong. It was hard. Chemo sucks. It took me a full year after radiation to feel like I had reached normal levels of energy again. But I was fortunate in that once a course of action was determined, I was able to keep going. It felt interminable, but we didn’t face complications or uncertainties like so many do.

Even when I was in the midst of treatment, survivor and warrior language didn’t resonate for me. I remember someone sending me a Mighty Girl article on Facebook that was about how amazing Maggie Smith was for filming one of the Harry Potter movies while going through chemo for breast cancer. The person meant for it to be an encouragement; but, as I had made the decision to take medical leave from work during chemo, reading the article made me feel weak.

Here’s the thing. When we are going through a major life disruption like an illness or significant loss, we get to decide. We get to decide what works for us or how we’re going to cope moving through that time or when we’re going to ask for help and when we’re going to keep to ourselves because it takes too much energy to manage people’s stuff. I didn’t know that then. I knew that the survivor and warrior language felt like a lot of “shoulds” for me. That was a clue worth noticing—if only I had been doing spiritual direction at the time, but that came later.

When in a time of disruption, listen to your gut. Pay attention to what you need. You get to decide what works for you. And, if you are a cancer survivor and that language speaks to you, own it!