“Sometimes the deep work looks like not work.”

This statement has become an affirmation for me over the weeks since my spiritual director said it in one of our sessions. It was really a statement naming what I have been experiencing of late and something I need to remind myself again and again.

In our session, I was telling my spiritual director about a recent discernment process. I had been invited to do a very part-time interim position at a local church. My work would have been primarily around leading worship and preaching. I was frankly surprised that it wasn’t an outright no for me when I learned about the opportunity given the timing within my year of rest and renewal. After some conversation with the lead pastor, I was still open to considering it.

When that conversation took place, I happened to be home alone for a few days. Andrew had taken Miss T to the lake so I could have time and space to work on some house projects. Interestingly, as I cleaned and organized and watched Netflix by myself, my heart and brain were quietly ruminating on this invitation to return to parish ministry—albeit part-time.

When I sat with the invitation in the quiet, I discovered that my reasons for saying yes were well intentioned but not actually life-giving: I wanted to be helpful, I was honored to be asked because I was well-respected as a leader, a little extra income wouldn’t hurt. What I noticed was that saying yes would cost a lot of energy and, though it was safe and familiar, it is not what I’m called to in this season. I’m called to different work—this work of Cultivating Sanctuary (SM).

There was a time, not even so long ago, that I would have said yes to that opportunity out of obligation, not wanting to disappoint someone, or for lack of clarity and a better yes.

The gift of unstructured, go with the flow, do what I feel like, down time was space to listen, notice, and name the true desires of my most centered self.

“Sometime the deep work looks like not work.”

Reflection Questions

🌱 What does downtime look like for you?

🌱 What insights have you gained when you’ve been doing other things?